couple on heartbreak

Tough times prevarication ahead (Picture: Getty/Metro.co.uk)

Getting cheated on sucks – to put information technology gently.

Information technology's the ultimate betrayal, a rug pulled out from underneath you, a truly miserable affair.

Information technology'd be baroque to expect yourself to merely become over infidelity and move on unphased.

Just what might surprise you is only how many emotional stages you go through, and how long the experience can stay with you after the event.

'Your whole world and everything you believed has suddenly shifted and you don't know which way is upwardly,' says pychologist and relationship expert Neil Wilkie.

'The emotions that you experience, the order in which you experience them and how long for will be unique to you lot and your situation.'

That existence said, at that place are eleven feelings that are probable to come up. Ahead, Neil breaks these down – and shares how to deal with each i.

Shock

The kickoff thing you'll exist struck with is shock. Considering, well, information technology's shocking.

You'll be baffled every bit to how this happened, and wondering how you didn't spot any signs. You'll feel like you've been knocked over and tin't yet get upwards.

'Yous need to pause, breathe and connect with the new reality,' says Neil. 'You want to be at your concrete and emotional best to become through this.'

Deprival

When something terrible happens, it's tempting to just hide away and pretend everything'due south fine.

We're deplorable to say that's non a feasible fashion frontward.

Neil tells Metro.co.britain: 'Discover out what you can to testify to yourself that this is existent. The reality may be painful, but you demand to observe the truth rather than avoid information technology.

'Growth does come through discomfort and pain. Know that you can get through this, and it will be to a meliorate place.'

Betrayal

'They take cleaved their vows and promises,' says Neil. 'How could they do this to me and why? They have taken our world and destroyed it. I tin can't trust them always again.

'Yep, what has happened is atrocious. Y'all need to understand what happened and why. Did this come out of a articulate blue sky or were at that place unmet needs in the human relationship. If you and your partner are prepared to piece of work at it, trust tin be rebuilt and you could get to a amend place.'

Humiliation

It's natural to feel embarrassed. Limit that feeling by taking some time to procedure this on your own, rather than spreading the news of what went down.

Woman looking back at friend falling from cliff

Information technology'southward a major expose (Picture: Getty Images)

Anger

Don't deny that anger. Just learn to express it in a healthy manner.

Neil recommends:

  • Go to a placidity forest or beach and just scream out whatsoever you need to.
  • Scroll upwards some newspaper and pretend a dining chair is your partner. Beat the chair and shout out how you are feeling
  • Become lots of paper and spend 15 minutes writing non-terminate (that means with no pauses!) well-nigh any is in your mind. At the end of that time, accept a break of at least five minutes. Come back and read through what you accept written, see what themes have emerged and so take the paper and burn it, safely.

Hatred

'You are full of detest for them and the person they had an thing with,' Neil notes. 'You want them to be burned past the power of your negative thoughts.

'What volition hate practice for you lot? Will it help yous or keep yous locked in a dark and horrible space?

'Allow that negativity flow through yous. Do not hold onto it. Instead hunt for positive free energy in your life, experiences that will allow you to experience honey and back up.

'Effort, every evening earlier you go to sleep, thinking through three good things that you have seen or experienced that day.'

Sadness

This one's tough. Know that sadness is inevitable and needed. Cover it and allow yourself to wallow for a bit. Give yourself permission to cry.

Loneliness

When your partner cheats on you, it can feel like you've lost your other half.

Tackle this by reaching out to other people in your life who tin listen without judgement, and consider helplines such equally Samaritans that will help y'all when you're at crisis bespeak.

lonely young woman sitting on green grid window

You lot might experience lonely (Moving picture: Getty Images)

Low

Sadness can sink further into depression. If you lot're experiencing a existent low and have lost motivation to do anything, even getting out of bed, seek professional person support.

Hope

Bang-up – now you're starting to see low-cal at the end of the tunnel. You're recognising that your life isn't over.

At present, information technology's fourth dimension to brand a decision.

Neil says y'all have iii choices:

  • Put a sticking plaster on the old relationship, bury the hurt and pretend it didn't happen. And then hope the relationship fairy will appear and magically make everything better.
  • Separate, believing that it had get a bad relationship and that the trust could non be rebuilt.
  • Both commit energy to creating a new and meliorate relationship. Acknowledge that life had changed and that you had drifted apart. The foundation of dear is still strong enough to build anew and recover trust.

This is where professional assistance of an experienced human relationship counsellor may be vital.

Decision time

This is when y'all're feeling decisive and in command.

As Neil puts information technology: 'I am articulate about what I want and know the path I want to take. This has been a tough journey, only I am a stronger person as a upshot. The futurity that I want is looking bonny and viable.'

Now is a good time for an practice to bank check in with yourself.

'Become some large sheets of newspaper and coloured pens,' advises Neil. 'Describe two pictures, the first representing life correct now and the 2nd representing your ideal life in the future.

'Compare and contrast these and so work out what you demand to have happen to get yous to your ideal future. Set out and take the first pocket-sized steps to start you on that journeying.

'Discovery of an affair tin can exist the catalyst to examine what your relationship had become, what was skilful nearly it and what was bad. It is the opportunity to decide what sort of human relationship you lot want in the future.

'Look through the trauma and take the opportunity to either say goodbye to the person who betrayed you or to seize the opportunity to rebuild trust and create a new and better relationship with them.'

Neil Wilkie is a relationship expert, psychotherapist, author of the Relationship Image series of books, and creator of online couples therapy program, The Relationship Paradigm.

Do you take a story to share?

Go in bear on by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.britain.

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